Today I had one of those total rockstar mom days. Sonia and I had a great morning, and I even had the brilliant idea of popping her in the stroller and rolling her into the kitchen with a bunch of toys so she could play and hang out with me while I got started chopping vegetables for an awesome lunchtime stir fry. I got everything prepped while cooing and giggling at her, and (perfect timing) was just beginning to portion out hot, delicious food into two bowls when Zach walked in for his lunch hour.

We got the baby settled and were just sitting down to eat when I happened to look over at the living room window and OH MY GOD. There were roughly 1,000 (this is NOT an exaggeration) ants snaking their way from beneath the floorboard, up the wall, all over the window sill, and up the window. They were everywhere. Tons of them. And there were odd little piles of stuff on the window sill. It was like a scene from a horror movie.

I think my immediate response was, “Oh fuck! What the fuck is that?!” You know, because I like to exercise the full range of my vocabulary in times of peril.

Zach basically spent his entire lunch hour both killing and cleaning up the remains of the ants while I tended to Sonia and popped his lunch in a to-go container. He made some interesting observations: At the top of the window? The queen ant surrounded by her minions. The piles? Dirt trekked inside by a colony of ants who was looking to build their new home on our windowsill.

To say I’m troubled by this is putting it mildly. We live in a first-floor apartment, so bugs are already something of a worry. I don’t see many, and that is mostly because I spend a lot of time cleaning, making sure counters are wiped off and floors are free of debris, dusting, vacuuming, making sure all food items are stored correctly. I hate bugs, and I take precautions to make sure they don’t invade my space, so a colony of ants trying to lay claim to my window?

Ugh. I am still trying to talk myself down. I have no idea how I somehow managed to miss the ant parade this morning when I opened the drapes. Zach says they probably weren’t there until right before I noticed them; that’s how fast they work. I’m just glad he was here to come to the rescue, otherwise I totally would have burrowed Sonia and I in the closet and called 9-1-1. I am not even kidding.

Before I became a parent, I was extremely judgmental of other parents. I had really strong ideas about everything from formula-feeding to co-sleeping, and I assumed the people who were doing it “wrong” in my eyes were just ignorant and lazy. Saying that makes me feel really guilty because it sounds awful, but there you go.

To be fair, some parents ARE just ignorant and lazy, and I feel sorry for their kids, but I’ve learned that, for the most part, everyone is just doing the best they can. Parenthood has taught me not only to give other people a break, but to give myself one as well. Almost nothing you think about will go as planned, and you have to be ready for that.

I spent most of my pregnancy reading about breastfeeding and getting all worked up about how awful I thought formula-feeding was, and then breastfeeding ended up being a huge disaster for me (one that I have yet to write about because I was so traumatized by it), and Sonia wound up being an exclusively formula-fed baby from the time she was two weeks old. There are still moments, almost 5 months later, when I feel extreme guilt about that and wonder if I did enough to fight for our breastfeeding relationship. Things like that will eat you up if you don’t learn to let go of the reigns and stop thinking about what you should or could be doing.

Being a parent is an exercise in humility. It’s a complete loss of control. It’s a surefire way to shred every ounce of ego you have within you. And, in a way, that’s the best part of it.

If I could tell my pre-baby self anything, it would be to calm down, stop planning, and quit worrying about the little things. The only thing a baby really needs upon arriving in this world is a diaper, a boob, and some love. Don’t worry about the rest of it because that’s all going to work itself out.

Don’t feel even slightly guilty about being lazy during your pregnancy. In fact, savor it. Sleep all day if you feel like it. You can’t store up sleep for when the baby comes, but that’s not really the point. The point is once the baby is here, you will not have the freedom to sleep whenever you want to. Even if you wind up getting plenty of sleep, it won’t be on your schedule. Relish the ability to take a spontaneous afternoon nap.

Be confident in your decision to stay home. People will ask you constantly when you’re going back to work. In a lot of ways, they may even unintentionally make you feel that you are doing something wrong by staying at home. Don’t worry about other people. The ability to be home with your child is a privilege. Love it fully and guiltlessly.

Buy sleepers with snaps. Return all of the ones with zippers. A full body zipper means you have to fully undress the baby with each diaper change, whereas with snaps, you can just unbutton the legs and the rest of their body will stay warm.

Newborn mittens are the most useless invention ever.

Don’t underestimate the wisdom of your mother. Sure, some of the information is outdated and you can discard the pieces of advice that don’t work for you, but for the most part, you will be amazed at how much she actually taught you about how to care for another human being.

Ask for help when you need it.

Know that you will not fairy-tale-style LOVE your baby immediately. You will adore her and feel an instinctual call to protect her, but it takes a few weeks to get to know each other and really fall in love. Don’t get discouraged by this or feel like a bad mom. You are learning your baby just like she’s learning you.

Realize that your body will probably never look the same way, but you will find new things that you love about it. You will look more womanly, and maybe I’m not supposed to tell you this because I’m from the future and it could mess with the space-time continuum, but you have an ass now. A hot one.

Oh, also, know that having a baby will turn you into a no-shampoo-using, worried about chemicals in the water, earth-friendly-cookware-and-special-laundry-detergent-buying, vegan hippie freak. And that is totally okay.

It’s all okay. In fact, it’s better than okay; it’s fantastic.

That’s what I would tell myself. What about you, fellow parents?

And yet, every stage has it’s own set of non-awesomes. For example, have you guys ever heard of 4-month sleep regression? Oh yes, that is a real thing. It’s when your 4-monther starts reverting back to her old shenanigans, also known as sleeping (or not sleeping) like a damn newborn. Just, you know, randomly. For no reason at all.

Sonia woke up roughly every 2 hours last night. It was ridiculous, especially because Sonia is an AMAZING sleeper. We seriously got so, so lucky in that department. Her usual routine is to go down somewhere between 9 and 10, and then sleep until 7:30 or 8 in the morning. And she’s been doing this–this whole sleeping for 10 hours thing–since she was about 6 weeks old.

Needless to say, we’ve gotten completely spoiled and last night was rough. I’m learning that for every milestone and accomplishment, there is an equal and opposite new pain in the ass thing to worry about. I guess this is the balancing act that is parenting? It’s amazing when they start to roll over, but then you can’t be more than an inch away from them ever, lest they roll off of the couch or the changing table. It’s awesome when they discover their hands, but then you have to vigilantly monitor everything that is near them at all times because, regardless of what it is, it will end up in their mouth. I can’t wait for her to crawl, but when she finally does, we will basically have to spend a weekend baby-proofing our entire apartment, which, oh my God. Did you guys realize even the baby-proofing stuff is considered dangerous? I kid you not. I read an article about how those little plastic covers you can put in your outlets are actually an extremely dangerous choking hazard for small children because they can pull them out and suck on them. So, you know, more awesome stuff because apparently even the things you purchase to prevent your child from getting hurt can possibly injure them.

Then, of course, there are chemicals in the water, “evil” infant formula, bacteria in baby lotion, genetically modified food, whether or not to buy organic, learning to walk, scrapes and bruises, bullies at the playground, mean friends, first boyfriends, learning how to drive, going away to college…

It’s enough to make you want to wrap your child in bubble wrap. Except you can’t. Because that’s a suffocation hazard.

2. Bathing suits are starting to come out in the stores. I always have a momentary panic attack the first time I see them. I’m not ready! But then I think, who is ready? I mean, who honestly walks past the string bikinis at Target and thinks, “Oh man, my body is so slammin’ right now. I can’t wait to walk around half naked in front of strangers!” Probably no one.

3. Two weeks from Saturday is my wedding anniversary/awesome out-of-town fiesta to see Radiohead in Houston with Zach. I’m pretty stoked about this. Originally we chose the Houston show because Zach’s work schedule prevented us from catching them in Dallas. Now, his schedule has changed and we could’ve caught the Dallas show, but I’m still happy we’re going to Houston, if only for the chance to get away, stay in a fancy hotel, and sleep in as late as I want to.

4. In less than two months, I will be 25. This seems weird to me, not because I am getting older, but because I already feel 40 and can’t believe how young I actually am.

5. I’ve been fully vegan for 4 days and I’ve lost a pound. I was feeling pretty indifferent about that until I decided to put a more positive spin on it and Google things that weigh a pound: a bag of coffee beans, four sticks of butter, two potatoes, a Guinea pig, a 16-ounce soda. So, if you’re trying to lose weight and it’s going kind of slow, just think of how many Guinea pigs you’ve shed!

What’s strolling through your brain?

I started noticing over the past few months that a lot of the symptoms I had during pregnancy–heartburn, tummy issues, frequent migraines–weren’t going away, despite the fact that I’ve been un-pregnant for over 4 months. Also, I wasn’t losing any of the 20 or so pounds I’d packed on during my pregnancy. In fact, I was actually gaining weight. My jeans were slowly getting tighter and more difficult to put on.

Zach and I cut our meat consumption down to about once a week, which we liked because it forced us to eat more vegetables, but we were still packing away tons of cheese, butter, salt, sugar, oil–all of the bad stuff. Even when I was a vegetarian I had issues with this. Vegetarians can still eat cheese, chocolate, most baked goods, and the majority of processed foods, and a lot of the time when you cut out meat, you end up filling in the spaces with a lot of unrefined carbs and junk.

When I first became a vegetarian, I didn’t have the knowledge I needed to live healthily. I’d only read one book, and I was easily wooed by the aisles and aisles of organic-vegetarian-but-still-extremely-processed foods at Whole Foods. I struggled with my diet because I wasn’t eating enough good, nutritious food to sustain myself. I’m a lot more educated about food and cooking now, and I find it a lot easier to go into a grocery store and know what the heck to buy.

We recently decided to try eating a whole foods, plant-based diet that eliminates processed food, as well as added fat, sugar, salt, and oil. We’re basically vegans, and we’ve only traveled a few days down this lifestyle path, but already I feel lighter and healthier. I’ve been doing a lot of research and figuring out how to cook without my usual staples like olive oil and salt, and I’ve been struck by a few things.

I wholeheartedly believe that what we eat has the power to heal us from the inside out. I wouldn’t just uproot my entire family’s diet for no reason. That said, I absolutely despise people who flaunt their diet like it’s some kind of trophy they can hang over everyone’s head to show how much more informed and aware they are. I literally read an article this morning in which the author berated the “uninformed masses” for consuming hamburgers.

So, just a word to the wise for everyone out there looking to spread the word on healthy eating: stop being such a jerk. You are not offering anything of value to anyone by acting like you’re superior or possess some sort of mental capabilities that others do not. Yes, the information is out there. No, not everyone is well-versed in it. That doesn’t mean they are stupid; it’s not like ground beef manufacturers are just jumping at the chance to disclose their practices to the American consumer, and not everyone has the time to spend countless hours researching their own pretentious conspiracy theories. Some people don’t care either way, and some people just honestly don’t know any better. That doesn’t make them dumb.

If you feel really strongly about your beliefs and want to preach the practice of healthy eating, more power to you, but do it in a way that is productive and adds something to the world. Give people alternatives. Point them in the right direction. Spark the flames of their curiosity. Getting up on your internet soapbox and screaming, “That chicken is going to kill you, you big, dumb idiot!!!! Also, you’re fat and stupid!” is not really doing anything to further your cause.

If you, Dear Readers, are interested in working your way towards a more plant-based diet, here are a few resources I encourage you to check out:

The China Study–a comprehensive study that explored the link between diet and heart diseases, diabetes, and cancer with some pretty provocative findings.

The Engine 22 Diet–a book by Rip Esselstyn which outlines a transition to plant-based eating, complete with over 100 recipes.

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Plant-based Nutrition–I think the title kind of speaks for itself.

Also, check out the documentary, Forks Over Knives, as well as Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.

And, you know, discover fruits and vegetables. Check out a farmer’s market, try a new recipe, or just try adding a salt-free, oil-free vegetable to each meal. You never know–you might find something you like.

Oh, come on. You wouldn’t say no to that face either.

Needless to say, I’m a little bit behind on this book challenge I’ve assigned myself. Don’t worry; I’m not quitting. I will still read 52 books, even if it takes me a few more weeks than I thought it would.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay has everything you want in a book. It’s a true page turner, not out of suspense, but just because the story is so interesting. Chabon manages to weave history with gripping personal narrative seamlessly, and in doing so, creates a set of characters that you really care about. The pacing of this book is quick and sharp, like that of a comic book, but still manages to include great moments of depth and insight. Plus, it’s funny.

The basic premise of the book is the adventures of two boys in New York City who seek to cash in on the popularity of comic books in the late 1930s/early 1940s (during ww2). One of them is a native New Yorker, and the other, his cousin, has recently fled from Nazi-occupied Prague. The stories of these two boys and their families is beautifully detailed, and Michael Chabon successfully creates an entire world in which his readers can reside.  The descriptions of Prague and New York City are so dead-on it feels like you are standing there shadowing the characters as they go through their lives. I don’t want to go into too much plot detail because I don’t want to give anything away, but suffice it to say I loved this book and it was totally worth taking an extra week or so to get through it and really digest it.

I highly advise you to check it out for yourself. For next week, I am reading Catch-22. I’ve never read it. Can you believe that??

& hers

This is part of the Instagram February Photo-A-Day Challenge. Zach and I thought it would be fun to do this his & hers style, since we both experience the world so differently each day. Plus, it’s a good exercise for me.

If you want to join in the fun, click here to see the list of photo prompts.

[source]

Since I was born and partially raised in California, this was obviously something of an issue for my family. On trips to the beach, I’d refuse to leave the towel for fear of contamination by icky, disgusting sand. I had to be carried to the water, in which it was somehow acceptable for me to come in contact with sand (don’t ask), and when I was done playing, I’d rinse myself off thoroughly and then ring for my chariot (read: scream for mom or dad) to carry me back to the safety of my soft, clean beach towel.

I also had a chronic fear of heights. It is probably the most ridiculous case of height-fear on record, provided that it is, indeed, recorded somewhere. Sometimes just climbing to the top of the slide at the playground was too much for me. I’d sit down where I was, terrified to move, until one of my parents helped me down.

My parents took me to a special kid’s night showing of Fantasia at a local movie theater once, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself until suddenly the music changed and there were dancing mushrooms on the screen. Don’t ask me why, but those damn dancing mushrooms sent me into a tizzy. I started crying, and my parents had to take me home.

This is why I've never done drugs.

[source]

I guess you could say irrational fears have kind of always been my thing, but lately, it seems my phobias and irrational thoughts have come to a head. Every time I read an article about some form of cancer or a disease that someone has, I become momentarily convinced that I am basically going to get whatever disease it is, or something else rare and incurable, and die. I’ve even been staying up late at night Googling symptoms, convinced something is wrong with me. I don’t know what this is.

The only thing I can tie this to is the fact that I recently had a child. I can remember occasionally being paranoid about illnesses before, but never this often and never for this long. Something about having a baby made me hyper-aware of my own mortality, and for whatever reason, I can’t seem to turn it off. I just keep thinking about how much I want to be with my family and take care of my little girl, and how terrified I am that something, anything could ever keep me from doing that.

I’m planning on talking to someone about this because I don’t think what I’m experiencing is a “normal” level of anxiety, but I just have to ask: has anyone else experienced this? Did anyone else go batshit freaking crazy after having a baby? And, if so, what did you do to shut it off?

[This post was partially inspired by this post from one of my favorite bloggers, which is a lot more fun than mine and doesn't contain nearly as much crazy.]

These pictures were tedious at first because she did little more than lie flat on her back and stare blankly at me. Her 2-month pictures were essentially just her staring at things or sucking on her hand. Then, she started growing, and the pictures started getting fun. You’ll recall this shot from her 3-month shoot:

Today I took some photos to commemorate her 4th month (she turned 4 months on Monday), and I had to take a second to marvel at how far she’s already come. Those of you who are expecting or planning on trying for kids soon, I cannot tell you how amazing it is to watch someone grow; to watch a sleepy, floppy little newborn transform into a full-fledged little person complete with their own array of expressions, sounds, and personality.

This is Sonia in her first month of life:

And this is my sweet, intelligent, energetic, and oh-so-charming 4-month old little girl:

I’m telling you guys: this whole mom gig? Best job ever.

& hers

This is part of the Instagram February Photo-A-Day Challenge. Zach and I thought it would be fun to do this his & hers style, since we both experience the world so differently each day. Plus, it’s a good exercise for me.

If you want to join in the fun, click here to see the list of photo prompts.